When you start reading this document I have some thorough instructions for you. Immediately go into your kitchen and locate some aluminum foil. All apartments has to be stocked with this crucial supply. If you can’t find any in the kitchen, just visit a local Rio de Janeiro grocery store and you are therefore sure to find some for sale. Do that now. I’m waiting.
Okay, you have the aluminum foil? Now put it around your head but in the end make a long stick of aluminum foil off the top of your head. The taller the better. This keeps them from controlling you. Okay, now that that has been completed, you’ll want to go to the penthouse level of your building, you’ll have the best reception and it will help you evade the mind reading waves. This piece of real estate is the best location for you at the moment.
Now that you have taken the necessary safeguards, you should now recognize that even though you’ve made the resolution to seek out apartments that are in Rio de Janeiro, this kind of real estate is no longer safe and sound. Historically, from the time of Hollywood’s inception, it has been documented that aliens only go to the United States and they only speak English. Unfortunately, because Brazil is becoming a larger player on the world stage, they are also starting to catch the attention of aliens and an invasion could be upcoming. Before long, your penthouse looking over Copacabana and Ipanema could be flooded with the bald green skinned rascals. You’ve been cautioned.
So how will you defend yourself from the alien attack of Rio de Janeiro? Well fortunately knowledge is power, and now you know. You were successful enough to find some aluminum foil for sale, but you can’t just let yourself be the only person to know. That would be selfish. You need to start dispersing this information. So immediately, at this moment, you should go and run through the streets of Copacabana and Ipanema screaming, “Aliens are coming!”
It’s critical that you do this. The aliens aren’t here on holiday. They didn’t travel here for a vacation. They came here for a very unique piece of real estate, Earth. Sadly, our apartments are located here, so we all have a stake in this. Last time I checked, we didn’t put the Earth up for sale.
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